2009-June

The Reason I Got Cancer

Early after my original diagnosis I earnestly searched for answers because I realized my life had changed in a very dramatic way. The answer was very precious to my heart and soul.

Now, with things going the way they are, with the treatments for my third recurrence of cancer seeming to elude sustainable results, I had to reinforce in my mind what I had learned early on.

Over the years many people have asked me why I got cancer. Their background doesn’t seem to matter. I am asked the same question from people in my family, at church, from coworkers and colleagues, or people I strike up a conversation with during my normal routine.

People always seem to look to me for an answer and I always have one. The poem Lord Why Must I Suffer sums up everything in a special way. I pray it helps anyone that reads it understand my perspecitive.

Lord Why Must I Suffer

I prayed to the Lord for my troubles to cease,
But instead of departing, they seemed to increase.
Each day found new problems I’d not faced before,
And so my depression just grew more and more.

I begged and I pleaded, “Lord, please let me die!
If You can’t ease my pain, at least tell me why.”
The Lord said, “My dear child, I love you so much!
And I could have erased all those tears with one touch.

But I wanted to teach you to cling to My hand,
And trust Me for things you cannot understand.
I wanted to show you that when things go wrong,
My strength in your weakness will make you grow strong.

You’ve suffered because you were chosen to be
A light for the lost, and a witness for Me.
As you travel the pathway I’ve laid out for you,
You will meet many hearts that are suffering too.

And because you have been there, and know what they feel,
You can show them My love, and can help them to heal.”
‘Twas then that I wept, as I fell on my knees,
And I gave thanks to God for not granting my pleas.

For had I not suffered, and felt such despair,
How could I have known the extent of His care?
Oh, Lord, make me worthy to share Your great love,
And help hurting souls reach Your Heaven above.

Used by permission © 2005 Betty Jo Mings.
From: http://www.alighthouse.com/suffer.htm

I pray this story of faith helps you understand the situation many of us find ourselves in. You see I truly believe there is a master plan, and a reason for everything that happens in my life. There is no way I could walk this journey without faith in God and believing he is in control.

My goal for sharing my life with you is to show you the power of God at work in my day to day life. I live an intentional life doing many things on purpose so I can do my part to be healthy and help other people. Thank you for taking time to visit me today.


List of events

  1. June 2, 2009 — Thank you is not enough
  2. June 10, 2009 — Quick Note
  3. June 29, 2009 — Focused On Thanksgiving

  1. June 2, 2009 — Thank you is not enough
  2. For all of us out there that have caregivers in our lives to keep us going from day-to-day we understand just a fraction of what they go through each and every day. Those who have never dealt with a catastrophic illness haven’t got a clue. Today I want to say thank you to my beautiful bride Deborah for all she has sacrificed for me. Thank you dear for your sacrifices to keep me going.

    While words are not enough it is the least I can do to acknowledge the care and support this wonderful lady gives me each and every day. Yesterday, we celebrated 36 years of marriage and it was a wonderful day.

    I wanted to let people know I had another seizure last week late Tuesday evening. It wasn’t as bad as the previous one. But it took its toll on my strength and my anti-seizure medication dose of Keppra was increased. I am doing better but feel like a zombie while my body attempts to adjust to the medication again.

    Next week I have blood tests and a bone marrow test scheduled. The goal is to find out if I have something going on that is keeping my blood counts down. There is a possibility that the medication is impacting them. We are working together with the specialist to get to the bottom of things. All I know is things are pretty tough right now and I would sure like to see them level out. I hate taking medication that keeps me lethargic and feeling like a space cadet.

    If you will allow me to I have a heavy heart for a friend today and I want to share his story in a private way. I believe it is much like many people experience and is worth sharing. Many people mark their days with loss while this cruel old world merely marches by without noticing and I don’t want to be guilty of that. This week I found out a close friend lost his brother. The particulars are not important, but I want to use this example as an illustration. Many of us do battle with our health situation on a regular basis all alone.

    Sometimes we elect to keep it to ourselves and other times we share our story with family and friends for whatever reason. But as it happened with my friend recently when the news comes out very often time is gone and the loved one passes on into eternity. I want to acknowledge that situation and my friend and his family in a private way this morning. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I always ask God to give the people who are sick what they need to make it through their day and to bless the caregivers in a special way.

    Today I pray that my heavenly Father will bless those who lost loved ones recently and will give the families peace as they go on with their lives. And I also want to take this opportunity to ask everyone to remember them in a short prayer if you will.

    Life is too short and impossible to live without people in our lives. I pray this acknowledgement will provide some comfort to my friend and his family. I pray it will make many people aware that no one knows when it will be one of us sitting there morning the loss of a loved one or close friend. I pray for God’s speed to those who find themselves in this situation today.


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  3. June 10, 2009 — Quick Note
  4. The past week has been busy. I cannot say thank you enough to my Aunt Ann and Uncle Gary for being there for us. They have both really helped Deborah and me navigate some rough waters – Thank you!

    My goal has been to de-stress and decompress. I found myself wound so tight and without any patience at all. I realized I had gotten to a place several of my doctors have warned me against over the years – being frustrated. That doesn’t work so I have had to step back in several areas and allow time to pass and to rethink my priorities.

    Tomorrow is the big day for me. I get to visit the cancer center for blood tests and a bone marrow biopsy. While that is not as thrilling as some visits I have had the honor of making it will give us a reading on this old body and identify how well my bone marrow is dealing with things so my doctors can help me make decisions about the next steps in my treatment regimen. The big deal is the seizure medication that seems to have me living in this lethargic cocoon right now. More when I get the news.

    Remember you are the most important person in the world. Remember if it weren’t for you someone would sure have a lonely day today. Reach out to those people in your circle of influence and make a difference for them today – please.

    Thank you for all your support and prayers. You mean so much to Deborah and me!


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  5. June 29, 2009 — Focused On Thanksgiving
  6. It has been a while since I posted to my blog. I have been focused on resting and not pushing too hard like I found myself doing. Today I have a sense that I should offer some encouraging words about being thankful.

    I focus on being thankful when I fight the doldrums and lately I have struggled with that on a regular basis. In fact, at our last BMT Support Group meeting Dr. Twillman talked about depression and provided us a handout from MayoClinic.com. After his talk I spoke with him and mentioned my battles of late. There are many legitimate reasons why I have ups and downs in my daily life. But just the same I can control most of it with an attitude of gratitude.

    To begin with I woke up this morning along side of my beautiful bride. What a blessing that is every time I realize a new day is beginning. My favorite time of the day is dawn when I hear the birds singing outside my bedroom window.

    Then I have to say I love the people I get to work with and do not take for granted that I am still actively involved in my career. Too many people in my shoes don’t have the opportunities I have had. I love to be in the role of facilitator for my team and have the opportunity to coordinate all the efforts we have going on.

    Next, I think about the home which we are remodeling right now. I am seeing many of my dreams come true as we navigate the waters of change together. Deborah and I are blessed to have a man that is working with us to build a beautiful home for us to enjoy. My prayer is that people will see God’s answers to our prayers in a way that is meaningful to them. With my illness, the bad economy, the cut backs and all we are facing today is a scary thought. But through faith we trek on into the goals we have planned for carefully looking to God in prayer as we make each decision. We have a true lighthouse for us and I pray the neighborhood that is watching the work being done.

    And recently I got the opportunity to see my family and some friends. Father’s day weekend was busy for us. It was nice to get out and about for a change!

    The results of the tests I had run a few weeks back are still not back. So we are patiently waiting on the call. I deal with a new normal of being more fatigued than I would like to live with, and the summer heat and humidity takes a toll on me if I am not real careful. Now I have a new problem to watch out for. I spent a bit too much time outside last week and got a fairly good patch of heat rash on my legs. It just snuck up on me and bam I have red splotches all over both legs from the knees down to the top of my socks. It is healing and I don’t get out too much right now just to be safe.

    Let me say, too, that I had the opportunity to watch Farrah’s Story that Farrah Fawcett allowed to be filmed to show people what cancer is all about. I was sad to hear that she lost her battle last week and I had to pray for her friends and family as they end this period in their lives. It was such an educational two hours and her story reminded me how easy my situation has been when compared to other people. I am very blessed!

    I pray that this note will cause everyone that reads it to be thankful for today. And I pray you can make a short list of the good things in your life. I am blessed that you cared enough to stop by and read my post today. Thank you and God bless!


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